You want love, but when it comes it feels suffocating; you don't feel comfortable opening up about yourself and you almost always go into self sabotage mode in relationships...sound familiar?
If so, you probably have an avoidant attachment style and that's okay, you're not stuck with your attachment style - you can change it, it just takes a little time and practice.
What is Avoidant Attachment Style?
Avoidant attachment style often develops during childhood when emotional warmth and closeness are lacking or inconsistently provided by caregivers. This early experience teaches you to value independence and self-sufficiency above intimate relationships.
This avoidance is a protective measure, helping you control vulnerabilities and maintain a sense of personal safety. Over time, this can lead to a pattern of emotional distancing in relationships, where you prioritize personal independence over connection.
If you'd like to jump to our self therapy journal for a deeper dive, you can check it out here.
How to Heal An Avoidant Attachment Style
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Start by recognizing and accepting your emotions, even if they make you uncomfortable. Understanding that it's okay to feel vulnerable sometimes can help you begin to lower your guard and connect more deeply with others.
2. Understand the Roots of Your Avoidance
Reflect on past experiences that may have contributed to your avoidant attachment style. Identifying these patterns can illuminate why you react the way you do in relationships and help you address the underlying issues.
3. Communicate Openly
Practice expressing your thoughts and feelings more openly with trusted individuals. This can be challenging at first but is crucial for building stronger, more secure relational bonds and reducing the instinct to pull away.
4. Set Gradual Goals for Intimacy
Incrementally increase your comfort with intimacy. Set small, manageable goals, such as sharing a personal story or expressing affection, which can gradually help reduce your discomfort with closeness.
5. Seek Professional Guidance
Consider therapy to better understand your attachment style and learn strategies to manage it. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore your fears about intimacy and teach you practical techniques to form healthier attachments.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself throughout this process. Healing an avoidant attachment style takes time and effort, and self-compassion can facilitate resilience and perseverance in this personal growth journey.
How to Heal an Avoidant Attachment Style Workbook
If you're still struggling with an avoidant attachment style and are ready to dive in, our self therapy journal How to Heal an Avoidant Attachment Style can help.
We'll teach you the the psychology behind your attachment style, techniques to start rewiring your subconscious mind and take you on a journey from childhood, to dating and relationships that will help you to gain awareness of your patterns and take steps to heal your avoidant attachment style.
Final Thoughts
By gaining awareness of your attachment style, you empower yourself with the knowledge needed to navigate complex emotional landscapes more effectively. This self-awareness allows you to identify patterns that may have previously led to misunderstandings or conflicts. You should feel proud of embarking on this journey of self-discovery.
It's a courageous act to delve into such introspective aspects of your psyche, as it not only enhances your own emotional well-being but also improves the quality of your relationships. The effort you put into understanding yourself is not just about healing—it's about transforming the way you connect with the world around you.
